Headlines 5-13-05

Microsoft: You're Safe With Us

Until Hackers And Phishers Return From Vacations

Fonda makes a welcome comedic comeback

New act includes being hit in face with tobacco-spit filled pies

Pitt and Jolie together in wax

Newest kinky trend among the rich and worthless

Woody Allen Steals the Show

Democrats Say "You Just Can't Trust Them Joooos"

Paris Hilton Touts Spicy Burger in TV Ad

This Burger, However, Is Not Of The "Fur" Variety

John Paul Put on Fast Track for Sainthood

Won't Have to Pay Bridge Tolls Till End of Month

yes, bad. haven't been struck by lightning yet...so not that bad

Lawyer: Jackson Said Nothing Happened

Hmmm. I Don't Know Who To Disbelieve First...A Pedophile Or A Lawyer....

Woods Misses First Cut in Seven Years

Hippies Upset, Have No Reason To Chain Themselves to Trees

Winemaker Takes Aim at Spirits Market

Builds Himself a Still

Lawmakers fired for smashing up hotel

Thought that they were Led Zeppelin

lawmakers object to fake penis for drug tests

the story was funnier than any joke that i could make....

Hide-And-Seek Game Sparks Massive Search

Kid Won Game

so, on a happy note, i end tonight's headlines.

please don't injure each other while lining up to leave me nice comments.

thanks!