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Saturday, February 25, 2006

I'm Still Alive!

sorry, my friends, frequent readers, and those who have stopped by from a link just to find that i haven't posted in a while.

i apologize. i just haven't been in the mood to blog.

i started this blog half-cocked, ready to go to blog war with my Capitan, without even knowing of the hardships, grueling posting schedules, and raw talent necessary to win the war, let alone get to the top of the blogging world.

we won the war. had fun, defeated the likeable limey.

i had a few more months of fun as a large mammal mostly from links from my blogdad.

and my attempts at headline news funny!

well, since the glory days, my life has been mostly work, which keeps getting busier in this little tourist town, and trying to have a life, which is tough to do in a tourist town.


i guess i have become a pimp to my poor little town, since the SF Chronical called the restaurant that i work for to get the instructions to make our award winning crabcakes. they had the recipe, they couldn't make it work right.

i told them how to do it, they put a pretty picture in the paper , i still have no credit.


hmmm...i seem to be getting the pissed off thing going again...

see you all soon!

Monday, January 02, 2006

State of Emergency!

wow! we've had some bad weather here for the past week...

bad enough that Governor Arnold declared a State of Emergency for several counties, including the one i live in. here in my little town, we've had some partial blackouts, but the most inconveniencing thing is that all the roads in and out of town were closed for the last 3 days.

not a big deal for folks in hurricane territory, or other parts of this great country of ours that suffer regularly from the ravages of Mother Nature, but for us sheltered Northern Californians, floods are an event.

i went shopping for dinner tonight at our local supermarket, produce section almost empty. trucks couldn't get through the flooded roads until late tonight to deliver fresh produce, so we had to make do with picked-over produce for 2 whole days!


we had a lot of inconveniences, and a few evacuations for residents living close to rivers and large creeks, but i have never lived in a State of Emergency before.

my cable connection is acting up now. i must post soon!

see you soon, i hope!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Christmas Is Finally Over!

and, not a moment too soon!

don't take that wrong, please. i love Christmastime, i like spending holidays with family and friends, good food, good cheer, and all that.

i hate the commercialization and hype by retailers and marketers, and the stupid protesting by people that don't observe Christmas and are too intolerant of others that think differently than them, and try to censor them rather than accepting their views.

if i had any power, i would propose a law that would forbid retailers from displaying Christmas goods any time before the day after Thanksgiving. kinda like it used to be here in my little town when i was a kid. now, some stores had Christmas decorations and other Christmas themed stuff for sale well before Halloween.

that's just wrong, in my opinion. the holiday is supposed to celebrate the day that The Almighty graced mankind with the gift of His only Son, not iPods and X-boxes and all that other stuff. the only "must have" gifts should be love, kindness and charity. anything more is just a bonus.

however, since Christmas is now permanantly associated with gifts, i guess i'll get off the high-horse and tell you all what i got...

the only thing i specifically asked for (under pressure from Ma, so she'd have a clue as to what i wanted) was the Magic Bullet. being an insomniac, i watch lots of late late night tv, and after having seen the infomercial for this food processor/blender about 100 times, i decided i wanted one. i've only used it to juice a couple of apples and a banana so far, but it seems to work well at least for that. also in the food theme was a Chia Herb Garden, and a big basket of goodies from my favorite local specialty foods store, Cooking Up Ideas. they'll ship anywhere in the country, for extra charge, of course.

i also got several books, most notably this one. i'll start in on it soon!

but, the absolute best gift i received this Christmas was from my baby niece, who will be 2 years old in February. it's a t-shirt that reads "World's Coolest Uncle". i know i'll be wearing it a lot in years to come.

well, that's all for now. hope your Christmas was as good as mine!

let me know what your favorite gift was in the comments.


Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all, and also Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa.

everyone just have a good ol' time today!


Sunday, December 18, 2005

Headlines 12-18-05

Sharon in hospital after suffering stroke

Ozzy stoned, but confident of wife's recovery

New Orleans trollies return

New Orleans trollops aboard them

Plutonium-Powered Pluto Probe Put On Pad

Disney Dog's Derriere Definitely Distraught

How to explain a mini-planet's odd orbit?

Michael Moore De-mystified?

Jessica Simpson Files for Divorce

Who F@#$%&g Cares?

Oddball object circles sun beyond Neptune

Known here in CA as Oakland's mayor, Jerry Brown

Microsoft warns of ‘critical’ flaw

Calls it 'Windows'

1 in 20 Americans Is Not Literate, a National Survey Suggests

Number Soars To 19 in 20, if Teens Using Instant Messenger are Included in Survey

Nomar agrees to deal with Dodgers

Denies that deal was signed in blood at a crossroads...oh, Dodgers, not Devil?...that's even worse!!!

Disclaimer: Although San Francisco Giants fans all agree that the Dodgers are the embodiment of all that is evil, the Devil still officially holds that title

Japanese Get Fat Penguins to Exercise

Gee, That Explains Why Japan Has the Lowest Worldwide Rate of Obese Penguins...

Chicago bar serves up 950 dollar cocktail

This is the interactive make the joke in the comment section!

as always, keep it reasonably clean, there are young eyes that might see this blog.

thanks for reading, see ya soon!

A Little Christmas Funny

my boss forwarded this to me, 'cause he knows how much it is pissing me off that a small (but very vocal) bunch of pagan Liberals are trying to take away Christmas and replace it with a 'holiday season' that doesn't 'offend' them.

hope you like it!

FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the office Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the Chief shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £5 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for Chester House! The Chief will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.



FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.



FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table. You didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that £5 is too much money and executives believe £5 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.



FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea about the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end
of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, yes, this is allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?



FROM: Patty Lewis, Head of HR
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: October 05, 2005
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr**ks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ******* salad bar, including
organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,The B**** from H***!!!!!!!!


FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Head of HR
DATE: October 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays

Saturday, December 17, 2005

200th post!

and 6 months of not smoking!!!


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Headlines, maybe?

Abat: 'Revolutionary govt' walang nilabag na batas

Witch Doctor: ooo eee oo ah ah bing bang walla walla bing bang

U.N. Report Focuses on 'Invisible Children'

U.N. forces focus on children they can 'see', then violate them.

Napa' faster, more popular than 'Sonoma' < Intel"

Intel Execs get drunk at holiday party, discuss California wine

Mountain tops nominees

Nominees want reach-around

bad headline policy never went away, by the way...

High gas prices alter driving habits

Some Hillbillies now choose to buy possums rather than hitting their own

14-Day Plan Improves Memory

Dang, forgot the link to the punchline...

Virgin astronauts to blast off from New Mexico

ummmm...insert your own funny here!

as always, keep it reasonably clean, and the key word is FUNNY!

thanks, and visit again soon, before i am a flappy bird or something lower!

thats all for now.