Headlines 5-16-05

sorry for the lack of headlines last night. i was worn out from work and a few night's worth of insomnia, and had a tough time finding anything to be funny.

i hope that this offering makes up for it.


US Caps Chinese Textile Imports

Chinese Textiles Respond With a Drive-By

2 Giants Agree to Cross-License Some Patents

Bonds, Santiago Working On Creating New Steroids

Apple gives identity thieves a way in

Trying to keep up with Microsoft

IBM Embraces Firefox For Web Browsing

Firefox Says "Hey, Lady, Just Doing My Job"

Robots master the art of reproduction

Geeks thrilled at the thought of android wives

PSU grad chooses integrity over cash

Must not be a Democrat

Motions on witnesses loom in Jackson case

Moves on victims caused case

Dave Chappelle Says He's Not Crazy

Little Green Men He Tells This To Agree

Walking to help halt AIDS

Walking away from gay bars

Trampoline Injuries Soar

And Fall. And Soar. And Fall. And...

Brain-injury case doctor hearing pleas for help

"Don't kill me" is one of most popular pleas

Weiner not part of Dems' no-bash movement

"Weiner-bashing" latest craze in San Francisco nightclubs

Microsoft, Sun announce joint authentication system

Will let you know if your dealer ripped you off with oregano-filled doobies

(beep! boop! beep! that's good stuff, dude!)

that's the news for today! feel free to leave a comment telling me that i'm the funniest guy in the world.

or, just be honest. i like that better anyway.

thanks!