Sorry, More Bad Headline Humor

Family of accuser weighed civil suit

found to be lighter than business suit

U.N. Study: Earth's Health Deteriorating

About As Fast As The U.N.'s Credibility

China offers Taipei incentives

"Play Nice or We'll Nuke You"

Ailing Pope Stresses Dignity For Ill

Adds:"Don't Even Think About Touching This Tube..."

Supreme Court hears music piracy case

Says: "Not as good as CD, but listenable"

Fill'Er Up With Hydrogen?

Hindenburg Captain Spends Eternity Regretting His Answer

Today's Teens Behaving Better

If They Would Just Pull Their Damn Pants Up

Sleep Study A Pipe Dream?

Depends On What Is In The Pipe

Why We Have Sex

Duhhhhhhhh!

Thief Steals Poop From Woman Walking Dog

Just Read The Article....

1 Killed in Blast at S.C. Duct-Tape Plant

Was Duct-Taped Together for Open Casket Funeral

Making the Most of Mud Season in New England

New England Mud Chowder a Big Hit

North Koreans may be disciplined

With a mushroom cloud

well, that's it for now!

Yet Another Favorite Picture

this one was from Christmas, '03. driving up to Grandma's house for the big family get-together, on a strange sunny/rainy day, i saw this:




naturally, i had to get a picture of it. i screeched to a stop on the side of the road, jumped out of my battered, rusting little pickup truck, and snapped a few quick shots.
turned out to be one of my favorites. not one of the best photos i've ever taken, but a favorite nonetheless.

hope you like it as much as i do.

all for now!

Even More Headlines

Dissent on Intelligence is Critical, Report Says

White Trash Wednesday members is pissed at "smurt folks"

Well known Clients of Johnny Cochran

Were All Guilty

A Power Vacuum In Iraq?

Hoover opens first store in Middle East

Israeli parliment passes state budget

farts twice, wipes, flushes. then warns citizens "Do NOT go in there!"

Qwest Likely To Continue Pursuit Of MCI

Qwest Seen Buying Flowers and Candy

Report: Pope May Get Feeding Tube

i dare you to pull his feeding tube out. what? afraid of a little lightning? chickens@&t b#%*&@ds

Simpson: Cochran Gave Me My Freedom

That's why he's burning in Hell right about now.

i think i should stop.

that's all for now!

For Everyone That Has Enjoyed My Pics...

here's a little bit of a background for this one...

my grandma was born and raised here on the coast of N.California, and grew up on the beach where this photo was taken. she turned 81 years old on February 24, 2004, and i thought that the coolest gift i could give her (she's the type of grandma that likes homemade gifts the best) was a picture of where she spent her childhood. so, i went to the beach and took a whole lot of photos, picked the best, had it printed professionally and put it in a nice frame.

i drove up to her house, gave her the picture. she loved it! i thought that i had just pulled off the best grandma birthday gift of all time, and then the phone rang.

my little bro and his wife were the proud new parents of a (5 week premature) baby girl. and grandma was now a great-grandma.

on her birthday.

how can a little picture top that?

it can't, but it still sits proudly displayed on the piano in the living room of her house. it is, after all, the thought that counts most.





i still think that they had the kid early just to top my gift!

that's it for now!

5 Questions For Big Sister (who is 5'4")

UPDATE

big sister (who is 5'4") has answered the questions...sort of. since all of you that visit my blog have been to basil's already, i doubt i need a trackback.


congratulations, Big Sister (who is 5'4") ! as the first commentor on my interview meme answers, you win a moment in the spotlight!

Question # 1:
We all know that basil and your sisters (5'6", anyway) love to tease you about the mistakes you made while learning to cook, but then always say that you are an excellent cook. What is your favorite dish to make (besides the ones that you have already shared, that is) ?

Question # 2:
Your favorite: White, milk, or dark chocolate? and why?

Question # 3:
You have just won a contest from a local auto dealership and have two choices of a brand new vehicle: a sweet little convertable sports car or a more practical full-size pickup truck. Both are of equal value. Which would you choose? and why?

Question # 4:
In no particular order, what are the top 5 things that make you happy?

Question # 5:
Two weeks off. No responsibility. No cares. Where would you rather spend the time: a) Hawaii, b) California, c) New York City, d) Home, Sweet Home? and,of course,why?

there's your 5 questions. answer them on your blog, and i'll link to your post (if i can figure out this trackback thingie, that is!)

and of course, you are bound by the law of the meme to pass it on to as many commentors as you like, and then you can make up the questions!

have fun!

Headline Time!

Nepal arrests anti-king activists

stephen pleased, koontz upset

U.N. seen slamming Annan in report

Annan Responds By Piledriving U.N. and Wins WWE Matchup

'Guess Who' Beats Out Sequels To Grab Top Box Office Spot

I Don't Know, Who?

Family Seeks Easter Eggs Full Of Cash

Mine Were Full Of Cholesterol.

Canadian Seal Hunt Opens

Canadian Seals Can Be Identified By Bark Of "Eh? Eh? Eh?"


that's enough for now!

Victory Is Ours!

Sortapundit Surrenders!

now what do i write about?

i guess i need to get a cat...

5 Answers For Oddybobo

i commented on Oddybobo's answers to an interview meme that she had received, so i got the honor of answering five questions for her! here they are:

For moehawk:

1. Tell us how you really feel about kimchi and why you like it so much.

it's my favorite form of vegetables. i like it because it's spicy, sour, crunchy, salty, garlicy and everything else that is good!

2. How long have you been a chef? and have you "invented" any special dishes?

i've been in the foodservice industry for over 20 years, but didn't considered myself a "chef" until i graduated from culinary school in 1996.
i don't have any "signature dishes", if that's what you're asking.

3. If you could be anything (assuming there was something that you wanted to be besides a chef) what would it be and why?

well, when i was a kid i wanted to be a scientist of some sort or another, just because learning how things work was always interesting to me. i suppose that if i were to choose another career, i wouldn't mind being a biologist, or perhaps an archaeologist.

4. What would be your ideal vacation spot?

i haven't travelled much, so my ideal vacation would be a motorcycle and a U.S. highway map, and lots of time and money to see as much as i could of the country.

5. Your handle is "moehawk" do you have one? do you want one?

i have had the haircut in the past, and what better way is there to support your favorite baseball team than to get a team color mohawk! ORANGE AND BLACK! WOO-HOO!
i may do it again, but then again i may not.

well, Oddybobo, there's your answers!

first commentor on this post gets the Five Questions...

all for now!

More Headlines

In Interview, Jackson says He is Victim of Conspiracy

Legal System Conspires to Put Freaky-Looking Perverts into Prison

Australia's famous drummer Paul Hester dies

Paul who?

New uncertainty over Kyrgyz future

the niggas at DFNCTSC are filing lawsuit claiming they own all unpronouncable names


Rights of Foreigners on Death Row Examined

Found To be About The Same As American Murderers, Kidnappers

if you want funnier headlines, you know where to go.

that's all

Another Pic For Big Sister(who is 5'4")

i love living on the coast!





once again, phin, sorry.

all for now!

War Rations

as we all know, an army (even a blogarmy) marches on it's stomach. being a chef, i thought i might provide a recipe.

English Crumpet Muncher

3 tbsp Gizoogle
1 package Girls big tit
1 tsp Free big tit sites
1/2 cup Paris Hilton's cell phone number
4 tbsp Jaime Lynn Spears naked
1/2 tsp Strip Clubs in Ohio with Midget Strippers
1 1/2 cups the niggas at DFNCTSC
1 thong

if you want the real recipe, or just want to know what the f@%k a crumpet is, go here.

if not, don't!

that's all for now!

Thanks Again, basil!

anyone that may have visited my site in the last day or two may have noticed that my sidebar was not exactly on the side of my blog.

anybody that bothered to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page would have noticed that all my sidebar stuff was down at the bottom of the post section. weird.

so, i did what any new blogger would do (after looking through the help section, that is), i emailed my blog-dad. i thought "basil will know what to do!"

you must know one thing, however. we live on opposite ends of this great country of ours, he works days, and i work nights. so, about the only time i have to communicate directly with him is between 2:00 am my time (5:00 am his time)and whenever he has to leave for work. by then, i'm at the end of a long night of working and trying to figure out this blogging thing, my mental faculties fading fast, and he's fresh as a daisy at the beginning of a new day.

anyhoo, with blogger templates flying from here to there, being checked, modified, sent back, re-pasted, re-emailed, rechecked, tested in new blogs, and all kinds of mean and nasty things(Alice's Restaurant reference for all too young to have heard the song), we finally decided that the best thing to do would be to send my password, and let him look through the blog for content problems.

and, he found it! not that i'm surprised, mind you, but just happy that he'd take the time, on Easter Sunday even, to look through my blog hard enough to find that on one of my (pathetic) little headline posts, i had copied and pasted a link that was missing a " in the HTML that caused the post to be wider than the DIV container, and caused the container to expand to the point that the sidebar DIV container didn't have room to display properly, so it was shoved down to the bottom of the page. i have to watch for those " 's.

he even fixed the link, rather than just deleting the offending line of code. and didn't use my site to pimp his blog like he could have done. and has in the past ...

what did i learn from this?

1: computers are very, very tempermental and complicated
2: learn more of the technical stuff so i can spot a funky link better before i use it
3: i chose the right blog-dad! not only for his humor, and his tech knowledge, but also for his patience with annoying blog-children!

thanks again, basil!

One For Big Sister (who is 5'4")

living on the coast isn't always sun-soaked days and pleasant nights.

however, there are enough days like that in the year to go and take pictures like this one.



the funny thing about this pic was that i took it almost by accident, as i was hurrying down a long trail to the bluffs to catch the sunset. i saw a wind-gnarled tree with the sun behind it, and took one quick shot of it before i continued on to the edge of the Earth.

all the rest of the pics were less than inspiring. the "accidental" one is, in my opinion, one of the best i have taken so far.

if not the best.

hope you like it!

War! What's It Good For?.... Beating Sortapundit!

Sir, Yes Sir!

I shall post the 7 until the Evil Crumpet-Muncher is defeated!

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

private moehawk, signing out.

A Few Headlines

Jones, Stupples Lead at Mission Hills

newspapers can't say "Jones f%@*#d up", so they invent word

Kmart, Sears Shareholders OK Merger

now cheap crap even cheaper to make

Taiwanese Stage Mass Rally Protesting China's Anti-Secession Law

Hey! Look! a tank! and another one, and another...

well, that's it for now!

Another Picture

for all of my new readers that didn't come here for my humor, here's a new pic.

and no, phin , it contains no veggie porn.

sorry if you're disappointed. but you might like it anyway!





if you like it, or even if you don't, tell me in the comments!

thanks.

ummm...headline news...

first light seen from alien planet
also called a death-ray

Ex Chess Champ Rips Bush, Japan, Israel and America
like anyone cares about the opinions of someone from Iceland?

Taiwan urges China to Renounce Force, Repair Ties
cheap ties tend to tear when tied too tightly

Shareholders of Kmart, Sears approve merger
cheap, overpriced crap will now be cheaper to make, and more overpriced!


enough for now!

Thank You

i've been a blogger for a few minutes shy of a week now, and i want to thank all who have stopped by and said nice things to me in my comments.

and i also want to thank all that have given me help and advice . it is very much appreciated.

i hope to entertain you (albeit briefly) for a long time to come.

once again, thanks to you all.

War Post

my war duty is done for the evening.

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

that is all.

oystersnout

some of you may be wondering about the name of this blog. well, i'll tell you all about it.

many, many years ago, my great-great-great-great grandfather was Baron Heinrich Von Oysterschnauten. he wasn't a good land manager, unfortunately, and ended up bankrupting his barony via schnapps, gambling and loose women.

having nowhere else to go, his land and all but a few meager possessions taken and sold to pay his debts, he stowed away on a ship bound for America. in order to assimilate once he arrived at Ellis Island, he changed his name. to Hank Von Oysterschnauten.

he studied hard to learn English as he worked a series of back-breaking menial jobs, saved his money, and eventually became a wealthy sausage merchant, in the meantime marrying and producing 5 children. he then pissed it all away via whiskey, gambling, and loose women.

his children, and their children, gradually Anglicised the Von Oysterschnauten name until it became what it is today.

and if you believe that, i have a bridge you might be interested in buying. cheap.

actually, all kidding aside, i got the name from a website i found in a comment posted by Tom in a post on basil's blog on March 12. it's a band name generator for people who can't think of a name for their band, or are too lazy, or something. anyhoo, i played with it for a while, and the name oystersnout came up. i chuckled at the thought of what an oyster's snout might look like, snickered at the idea of what a promo poster for the band might have on it, and laughed my pinkytoe off at the mental picture of me, painted and dressed like an 80's glam rocker with 3 or 4 others painted and dressed in a similar way.

i thought, "dude! if i ever had a band i would definitely name it oystersnout!" but i can't sing to save my life, and nearly 2 years of guitar lessons in my younger days did nothing but let me know that i couldn't play guitar either.

so, when basil put out the call to arms for the Great Blog War, i felt compelled to finally start a blog, and decided that a name like oystersnout should not be wasted by my lack of musical ability.

now you know.

that's all for now!

update: i forgot to mention that the next funniest one (in my opinion) was "A Fistful of Tapirs"....go ahead and think whatever you want....but keep the comments clean. thanks.

Oh Yeah....couldn't pass this one up!

Crude Futures Rise Despite...

White Trash Wednesday is Gaining in Popularity

sorry, basil, if i'm stepping on your toes with the headline thing, but you know that i'll never be as good at it as you!

Another Favorite Pic...might not be work safe...NOT!

here's another one of my favorites. i took this one the day after i got my camera.

her name is Pamela, for obvious reasons!

just in case she isn't work safe, i'll put her down a ways on the page so you can close your eyes and scroll past without seeing her!


























hope you like it!

that's all for now.

update....looking at the size of her bottom, maybe "Anna" would have been a better choice of names.

Some People Never Learn

if you haven't heard yet, followers of The Great Blog War, the evil Crumpet-Munching, Lime-Sucking Limey Bastard just doesn't know when to give up.

well, we're ready for him. bring it on!

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

hmmmm....i wonder if those famous British bad teeth are the real reason that he dissed our sandwiches? hard to enjoy a grinder if you have nothing to grind it with.

Cease-Fire........rats! i was having fun!

well, folks, since there seems to be a cease-fire in the Great Blog War, i guess i have to come up with something new to talk about.

i have recently discovered photography. i have wanted to get into it for a while, but i wasn't sure if i wanted to spend the money for a decent camera, buy the film, wait to have it developed just to find out that i had my finger over the lens, the photos were over or underexposed, and all that other stuff that really bugs photographers. then i decided to buy a digital camera, just a "beginner's" kind of digital camera, and have loved it ever since.

i really like nature photography (even conservatives can like nature, after all!) and living in Northern California, i have a lot of great material to work with.

i took this one about a month or so ago. i hope you like it as much as i do. it's one of the best i've taken so far.


(click for larger image)

that's all for now!

I Had To Take This Quiz...

not like i had any doubt in my mind...but i like the image!

WAR!

Gizoogle this, Crumpet Muncher ....
The Niggas at DFNCTSC tell me that you're into Strip Clubs in Ohio with Midget Strippers, Free big tit sites ,Girls big tit, and Jaime Lynn Spears naked.

not to mention Paris Hilton's cell phone number.

something tells me you need to get a life...

ok, not so original or funny, but a good test of my newly acquired basic HTML skills! hope to have better stuff soon.

that's all for now

learning HTML

well, folks, i'm trying to learn html so i can be a better blogger.

basil has been very kind (and patient!) in helping me set up this blog.

i appreciate his help, and anyone else with tips for new bloggers will also be appreciated.

thank you, that is all.

Doing My Duty, Sir!

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

not being fluent in HTML, i had to re-copy-and-paste in the code that phin provided for all us foot soldiers in Cap'n basil's campaign against that evil, search-engine result stealin', brit accent talkin', lime-suckin' crumpet munching limey, also known as Sortapundit.

i hope to learn how to do it myself soon, but for now i have no shame in relying on my betters to do the planning, plotting and coding, and am proud to follow my Cap'n into battle with all them furriners who wish to steal search results from good ol' American bloggers.

and i am also proud to fight alongside the bravest bloggers (and commenters) that ever hurled a good-natured insult at an enemy.

that is all.

The Good Guys Got His Name!

looks like we're ahead of Sortapundit on the search engine war. he may have overtaken us in a couple of minor battles, but basil's blogarmy now rules his blog name!

take that! and that!

heh!....feels good to be on the winning side.

This Copy and Paste thing is Cool! Thanks, phin!

Gizoogle

Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

The Seven Sacred Phrases

well, folks, looks like the war is getting nasty. we've lost two phrases to that evil limey Sortapundit, i believe that they are "Jaime Lynn Spears Naked" and "Strip Clubs In Ohio With Midget Strippers"
my response to this horrible injustice?
Gizoogle off, Girls big tit! call Paris Hilton's cell phone number for free big tit sites!
i hope the Niggas at DFNCTSC kick your limey pinkytoe after we're done with it!
that is all.

One Over the Bow

Make fun of our grinders, eh? Don't like our subs, foot-longs, etc.?
Fine with me. You can eat all the Spotted Dick that you like, with a side of Toad in the Hole, if you please, and everything else that you want to boil until it is unrecognizable.
i'll take a Hoagie, thank you very much, with everything on it.
limeys.

Second Post....

ok, a little bit of info about me. i'm moehawk. glad to meet you, blogosphere.

We Are At War!

ok, first post, so i should say something dumb.

hey, look, Mom, i have a blog now!

that works for me.

update: Mom doesn't even know what a blog is.