News You Can't Use...'Cause I Already Did!
PETA keeps poking Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez keeps saying "Ow! stop it! Ow! stop it! Ow! stop it!"
Clinton Joins Fight Against Childhood Obesity
Steals Fat Kids' Lunch Money
All the King's Men Try to Fix Nepal's Humpty Dumpty
King's Horses Conspicuously Absent
Astronauts Unfazed by Launch Delay
Are Very Upset over Lunch Delay
78 Names Added to Journalist's Memorial
Most were Made Up by Other Journalists
Rehabilitated Dolphins Released in Fla.
Florida Residents Put Up Flyers With Dolphins' Pictures in Their Neighborhoods
John Paul trading card sells for $8,100
Previous Pope's rookie card is very seldom found in mint condition
Jackson in financial crisis: witness
From building huge playground to attract children
Texas considers ban on sexy cheerleaders
Wants cheerleaders that look like Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno
US spy ordered to bring home bin Laden's head on dry ice
Unfortunately, has not fulfilled mission yet
Three Snails Thought Extinct Discovered
On Menu Of French Restaurant
Wild Pigs Killed to Save Santa Cruz Fox
California Beach Cutie Thankful
Mercury-Laden Clouds Threaten Utah
Lincoln-Filled Clouds Spotted Over Nevada
Bob Hunter, Co-Founder of Greenpeace, Dies
MIT Professor Among Heinz Award Winners
Wins Lifetime Supply Of Ketchup
NFL Takes Turn Before Congress on Steroid Use
NFL Wanted To Make Sure Congress Didn't Take All the Good Steroids For Themselves
UN Meet to Seek Safer Ways to Kill Insect Pests
UN Investigates New Invention Called "Flyswatter"
Mich. Cops Seize Secondhand Pants from Man
Claim That Michigan Cops Really, Really Need a Raise
Trial for 'Grandpa Gang' Opens in Germany
Accused of Wearing Their Pants Too High, and Playing Classical Music Too Quietly
Pope's old car smashing records on eBay
Sellers of vintage vinyl recordings upset
Portuguese gym-goers urged to drink beer
Excuse me for a minute while i purchase a one-way plane ticket to Lisbon
oh yeah! lift them 12 ounce weights! feel the burn!!!
Zonkey or deebra? Zebra's foal sired by donkey is talk of Barbados
French are waiting for decision before printing menus
British motorist injured by flying frozen sausage
Motorist says "they're called bangers for a reason"
Sober.P worm spreads
Much faster than Drunken.P worm, who is passed out in a gutter on the side of the Information Superhighway
well, i done wore out my funny for the night working on this post.
feel free to give it up for my twisted sense of humor in the comments.
see y'all tomorrow!