Headlines 6-17-05

Tom Hanks to do 'Deep Throat'

Will find his old 'Bosom Buddies' wardrobe to look more like Linda Lovelace

Jackson plans lavish party to thank his supporters

Party is BYOB...Bring Your Own Boy

For a young child, home can be a dangerous place

Especially if it is Michael Jackson's home

At least 200 million Chinese to be obese in 10 years

That's because every time they eat, they're hungry again an hour later

New law requires airlines to disclose information on pet deaths

"Well, Ma'am, before your precious little Fido froze to death in the unpressurized cargo hold, he exploded, sending dog guts flying ten feet..."

St. Paul, Ace subpoenaed by prosecutors

Gene and Peter won't comment on Paul's self-beatification

Central America Is Holding Its Breath

Will Still Have To Eat Vegetables Before Getting Dessert

Calif. Scientists Plan to Kill Barred Owls

Loggers Paint Bars Onto Spotted Owls, Get Ready For a Big Timber Harvest Next Year

S.Africa opposes Japan's plan to expand whale hunt

Moore, O'Donnell also oppose Japanese plan


wel, folks, that's the news for tonight. for more headline humor, be sure to visit basil, Moe, Dane and The Capitalist's sites.

thanks!