Bummer Day...

today started out fine, decent weather, day off, etc., but when i jumped into my beat-up, rusty, ugly but always faithful little pickup and drove to the local supermarket (about 4 miles from my house), it refused to start for the drive home.

it tried, the starter solenoid clicked, the headlights worked, but the battery just didn't have the juice to get the motor running.

three kind strangers offered their help, and their car batteries' current to help me and my groceries get home. and all to no avail. one guy even happened to have a spare battery cable terminal (my negative was loose, and not able to be tightened any more) and even put in on the cable for me.

and each time that these kind people jump-started my truck, after i thanked them profusely for their trouble and they drove away, the engine died, and wouldn't restart. i finally ended up calling my step-dad, and he gave me and my dinner a ride home.

two hours spent in a supermarket parking lot, looking at 50 to 80 bucks for a new battery (the one in my truck is a 60 month battery installed in August 2000...guess that just might be the problem..:p) and hoping that i don't need a new alternator.

the truck is still there, until tomorrow when i can get the battery and put it in, and drive it home. then test the alternator...

on top of that, i scanned the headlines and couldn't find anything funny to report to my loyal readers.

or maybe i'm just not in the right mood to find funny.

check back tomorrow. i just might be feeling funny then.

thanks!

Filthy Lie

Q:What's Black and Tan and tastes good to a lawyer?




A: A blended Doberman puppy, of course!

i don't know how the bartender gets the layered puppy effect on that drink, and i won't ask....

Ahhh, The Weekend Is Over! or, Headline News Resumes!

while most Americans view Memorial Day Weekend as a time to have fun with your families, and remember the sacrifices of our fallen soldiers in many different wars, in the restaurant industry it means that Tourist Season has officially begun.

why do they call it Tourist Season and not issue tags? c'mon, just three a year....no does...

aw, heck. nothing i can do about it, so i might as well just get over it and give my attention to all those headlines that are just crying out for the funny.

France shatters EU unity

Then surrenders

EU, US moves to limit China textile exports have no basis: Bo

After losing on American Idol, Bice turns to economics to make a living

Taking baton from Bolton, Cheney slams North Korean leader

Wins match, but is later disqualified for using baton

Wheldon becomes first Englishman in 39 years to win Indy 500

But, he drove on the wrong side of the track

Runs, Hits and an Era

no joke, but i would bet that basil would appreciate this article. as would all fans of the game.

Patrick Eyes Piece of History

Left Unsatisfied by Spongebob, Starfish Attempts to Woo Bugs Bunny

FDA Probes Vision Loss in Viagra Users

FDA says "If Love is Blind, Lust Can Be Too"

Australian scientists stunned by crab invasion

Say: "We shouldn't have gone to that brothel in Perth after the Star Trek convention after all"

In River of Many Aliens, Snakehead Looms as Threat

Thus Begins Star Wars VII. i hope Jar-Jar isn't in it

Researchers Use Maps to Research Obesity

Michael Moore Is So Fat that He Needs a Cartographer Instead of a Dietician

Where the elephants roam

Watch your step, or you'll be in deep s**t


well, folks, this concludes tonight's Headline News post.

i hope you enjoyed it.

feel free to tell me how much you enjoyed it in the comments.

thanks!

Rough Weekend...

sorry about not posting the Headline News tonight.

Memorial Day weekend is one of the busiest times of the year in the restaurant biz.

tonight, the little restaurant that i work for had it's busiest night in it's history (ok,the restaurant has been operating for only 6 years, but history is history!) and i'm exhausted.

one hundred and seventy-eight people enjoyed my best efforts at culinary excellence tonight, and not a complaint was heard.

fortunately for me, we hire deaf waitresses.

no, really! two of our waitstaff are hearing impaired, but not totally deaf. sometimes i make jokes at the expense of other's dignity, but in this case, both of the aforementioned waitresses would laugh if they would ever decide to join the 21st century and buy computers so they could read this joke.

all that aside, i'm wiped out.

see y'all tomorrow.

Headline News! 5-28-05

Muslims denounce 'US Koran abuse'

Prefer to abuse Koran themselves

Internet Site Says Zarqawi Is Healthy and in Charge

Site Also Wants To Sell The Brooklyn Bridge

Intel: Iran equipped for atomic weapon

Exactly how chip-making company got this information is being reviewed by governments around the world

Atlanta police end standoff with crane climber

Police sniper finally came home from vacation

Iraqi Bombers Claim They Were Deceived

Say That Bombs Were Supposed To Be Filled With Stuffed Bunnies and Candy

Nokia Ventures into Non-Phone Territory

Is Severely Beaten, and Left at Edge of Phone Territory as a Warning

Fraud by Insurer in Calif. Alleged

By Yoda, written this headline was.

Microsoft urges Windows users to dump Netscape 8

And while you're at it, get rid of Firefox, Opera, and anything else we didn't make and charge you for. m'kay?

Face it: Spurs will be around awhile

Horses upset

Patrick will do 'whatever it takes'

Patrick really wants to get into Spongebob's square pants

Did 'Idol' wear out its welcome

Yes. Right after Moses got back to town

Strachan: I don't need Celtic ties

Strachan prefers Laker ties

Feds Examine Impotence Drug, Blindness Link

Your Mother Was Right....

Introducing the chocolate candy diet...

American kids will continue to be fat

Alzheimer Victim Sold 11 Organs

Fortunately For Organ Recipients, Brain Was Not Among Organs Sold


well, folks, that's the headline news for tonight.

and no, William Teach, and Tom, i haven't forgotten about the memes. i'm still working on them....

see y'all tomorrow.

I'm A Large Mammal Now!

and i'm not talking about my waistline...but i guess i qualify there, too!

no, i'm talking about my status in the TTLB Ecosystem...i devolved from a Marsupial back to a Rodent a few days ago (GRRR! oops, i meant SQUEEEEEK!), so imagine my surprise when i woke up today to find that i was now a Mammal! only two words can describe my feelings...

WOO-HOO!

is that considered two words, or does the hyphen make it one word?

ah, heck. who cares.

well, now i'd like to thank everyone that has helped me achieve my new status. and a few deserve extra-special thanks, for getting me going in this blogging thing, and keeping me going even when nobody else seems to care (or at least leave a comment to let me know that they care...)

first, my blog-parents, basil and sarahk.

y'all showed me that anyone and everyone can be a blogger, mostly by getting up and doing it yourselves, and having a lot of fun and entertaining me while you're doing your stuff. i got a lot of confidence from that, and have tried to model my style to be a reflection of the two of you.

and an extra round of thanks to basil for all the help with the technical problems, and for all the publicity he gave me as a newbie blogger.

next are phin and Tom, two bloggers that were willing to share their HTML knowledge with me (as in phin's coding for the seven sacred war phrases and Tom's referral to an online HTML tutorial). plus, they were among the first commentors on my humble blog. you guys ROCK!

and sorry, phin, still no more veggie porn.

and, of course, The Sisters.

The Big Sister (who's 5'4"), The Mean Sister (who is 5'6") and The Little Sister (who is 6'0")(and has never commented on my site, so i'm still not convinced that she is not a myth, but if basil and the real sisters believe she exists, then i do as well. and love her as much as i do the "real" sisters....) who have supported me from day 1.

and still do, when they can take time from their busy lives to actually sit down for a bit, relax, and read a blog or two. thanks for everything you've done to make me feel at home in this big, new world!

next, is my baseball nemesis, William Teach. a Dodgers fan, but underneath that vileness, a good man. loves baseball, the American Flag, and Star Wars too. with all that on his side, i can't fault him for picking the wrong team...:)

oddybobo definitely deserves a cheer from me, not only commenting on my site in the early days, but also giving up her Grammy's (Halmoni's) Kimchi recipe to somebody that would appreciate it. and i do.

last, but definitely not least, are the two bloggers that i have been giving publicity to lately on my humble site. Moe and Dane. they laugh at my stuff, i laugh at theirs, i promote them, they promote me.

ain't that what this whole thing is all about?

and, to everyone that has me linked but i didn't mention tonight, thank you. thank you very much.

Headlines 5-25-05

'Operation Spam Zombies' launched in 20 countries

Zombies in 20 countries afraid to open their inboxes

Buffett's Buying Energy

Jimmy is worn out from playing concerts all the time

Catch of the season

Will most likely not be made by the Giants

'Star Wars' Worm Targets AOL, Yahoo IM Services

Worm Still Upset After Millenium Falcon Got Away

Reports: Zarqawi Shot in Lung

Bullet Would Have Hit Heart, If He Had One

Investors Juiced About Scottish Power

Are Also Juiced On Scottish Whisky

Floods Devastate Colorado Trailer Park

At Least It Wasn't A Tornado

Parts spin-off blow for Ford

Ford used to parts falling off ,but doesn't know how to react to new problems

Secondhand smoke may cut women's fertility

Now even more men will light up a cigarette after sex

Carrie Underwood, All Choked Up

Bo Won't Let Go of Her Throat

Giants 10, Dodgers 2

William Teach: heh!

Grand Plan Approved to Give L.A. a Heart

Also Included in Plan: S.F. to get Courage, Sacramento, a Brain


that's the news for tonight.

thanks for stopping by.

4 In A Row!

yes, folks, another happy Giants post.

Giants won tonight, 10-2 against the reviled LA Dodgers, thanks to a great 8 innings from Brett Tomko, and a sweet 9th by Munter.

not to mention that Pedro Feliz and Moises Alou each had a pair of homers, and both of Pedro's were 2 run homers...

life is good, at least for tonight.

Giants and Dodgers are tied at 4 games out of first place (Padres and Diamondbacks are first and second place), Rockies are 13.5 games out... sorry, Babaganoosh.

i'll be at work during the series finale, so i won't know the outcome until about 11 pm or so tomorrow.

GO GIANTS!

I'm Back!

sorry for not posting yesterday.

between enjoying a beautiful day here in N. CA, Blogger problems, and catching the late showing of "Revenge Of The Sith", i was a bit worn out and just not in the blogging mood.

re: Star Wars III: if you haven't seen it yet, definitely do so. way better than I and II.

so what's up with the Ecosystem? two days ago i was a Marsupial, well on my way to Mammalhood. last night, i devolved back to a Rodent, while others, like Moe suddenly triple their inbound links and rocket from Rodent to Mammal overnight. when i click on my status display, it takes me to the Bear's site, but calls me "Blogger:404 - page not found", asks me if this is my weblog, and if so click here to learn how to show your status, etc., and when i click, i get this:

Warning: mysql_connect() [function.mysql-connect]: Access denied for user: 'nzbear_ttlb@localhost' (Using password: YES) in /home/nzbear/public_html/statusdisplay.php on line 162
Could not connect MySQL

i've also noticed that another Blogger user, Ogre, is listed as a 404 - page not found also.

on a happier note, the Giants beat the Dodgers last night, increasing their winning streak to 3, and not a small amount of confidence was gained by the team last night, as the Dodgers seem to be the biggest pain in the Giants' collective pinkytoe this season. hope that they can do it again tonight.

hope to have some funny up later, possibly after the Giants game. most of my regular viewers will most likely be in bed by then, but you'll have something to snicker over while enjoying your morning cup o' puppy coffee.

Headlines! 5-23-05

Unrest puts Afghanistan back in the spotlight

Afghanistan says "How am i supposed to get any sleep with the lights on?"

Sharon Calls for Coordination in Mideast

Ozzy wants his drugs delivered faster

Warren Beatty Slams Gov. Arnold

Gov. Arnold suplexes Beatty, piledrives him, and then twists his arm until he screams like a girl, finally pins him to win the match

is "suplexes" a word?

A planet of their own

Wouldn't it be nice if the Liberal Whackos found it?

'Housewives' finale is satisfying, if not delicious

'Housewives' no longer 'Desperate'

How to save your skin

Is the hottest topic around Newsweek's water coolers

Transplant shock as 3 die from hamster virus

Tom begins to worry

Developer Hails Results of Ejaculation Drug Test

Athletes seem to prefer new test over standard urine test

Researchers Pinpoint Brain's Sarcasm Sensor

Now Are Looking For Brain's Bad Pun Generator

Spector's Past Gun Play to Figure in Trial

No joke on this one. just click on the link to see the worst white-man 'fro in history.

Man Leaps From Car to Retrieve Cigarette

Says "I'll tumble a mile on asphalt for a Camel"

India to build old-age home for tigers

Woods thanks India, but says that one bad season won't end his career

Florida Man Accused of Poaching Alligator

sarahk tells Frank J. "goofy-goof! everyone knows that alligators are best when they are barbecued!"


well, folks, that's the news for tonight.

i hope you liked it!

and as usual, you can find more headline funny at Dane's, Moe's and basil's sites.


thanks for visiting my blog!

Headlines 5-23-05

Google Searches Its Soul

Finds It Has No Soul

Apple Recalls Batteries, Again

Clockwork Orange Points at Apple and Laughs

Hyundai opens Alabama home

Says "Sweet!"

Download your brain onto a computer

As if I don't spend too much time online already....

Jackson child abuse trial is nearing end

Somebody known only as "Bubba" will soon be nearing Jackson's end

Bald men can blame mum!

Especially if their mother was bald, too

Israel, Arabs agree to save Dead Sea

Should be agreeing to save Live People

Gates Warns on Information Overload

Seeks To Stop Microsoft Consumers From Being Informed That His Products Suck

Species declining faster than ever, says international biodiversity study

French say" *chomp* *munch* *glorp* *buuuuuuuurp!* Why are you looking at us?"

Video game makers seek more fun

Are bummed to learn that Mustang Ranch has closed since the last time that they went outside

Rifaximin protects against Montezuma's revenge

Montezuma upset, vows to defeat Riflaximin with his superior 'Dung-Fu'
yes, bad. very bad.

Bowel cancer test often misses the mark in women

Occasionally detects cervical cancer when it does miss the mark


it's headlines like the last one that make me wish i installed the "Read More" option on my blog. but, you all should know my bad headline policy by now.

and on that note, i will end this post.

let me know if i said anything that made you laugh, or if you de-linked me for the last one, please tell me politely.

thanks!

Giants Actually Won!

twice in a row, even!

now, if they can just put one more "w" in a row, they can get their website back!

heh! i crack myself up, sometimes.

the Giants won 3-2 against the Oakland Athletics Saturday, 3-1 against the Athletics on Sunday. i'd like to see a few more runs scored for SF in the next series against the Dodgers starting on Tuesday. As all Giants fans know by now, there is no such thing as a comfortable lead, especially against LA.

end baseball post (on a happier note this time!)

Yay! Typepad is working again!

so tonight's headline funny is to be had at basil's house.

please stop by and read it, if you haven't done so already before you came to this humble little blog.

thanks!

While Typepad Is Down....

i'll bring the funny to my loyal fans!

screw that paid-for blogging software, blogger is working when typepad isn't!

Underwear photo spurs inquiry

Inquiry seeks to determine whether evil, insane dictators prefer tighty-whiteys over boxers

South Korea sends fertilizer to North Korea by land

Figured that that much bulls**t would be too heavy to fly

Afghan president 'shocked' by U.S. abuse report

Admits it was less unpleasant than being 'shocked' by car battery

Local Muslims say Quran will live on

Celine Dion's Muslim cousin plans to sing song about it

President Sends His Very Best

Men, Women, and Bombs to Iraq

Photos of Saddam stir up fierce debate

Is his reputation of being "the biggest prick in the Middle East" deserved?

Trade wars threaten world recession

Yoda says" Send a pair of Jedis, we must"

NASA Contest Seeks Oxygen From a Rock

In unrelated news, My Creditors Seek Blood From a Turnip

Going After the Accuser

Is Why Jacko is on Trial

Letourneau marries Fualaau

Child Molesters all around the world celebrate

Harper urged to soften image

Vows to never stop playing Motorhead and Black Sabbath tunes on his harp

well, that's the funny for tonight. i hope to put it up on basil's site sometime soon. maybe early tomorrow morning, or afternoon.

anyhoo, see y'all tomorrow.

To all My Loyal Fans...

Saturday's installment of my headlines can be found at basil's blog

he asked me to guest-host at his site while he is away, but i'm sure that you know that already, since everyone that doesn't arrive here via basil's site eventually stops by via Moe or Dane.

it's kinda nice to play in a Primate's house, if only for a weekend...

UPDATE

Typepad is experiencing some problems at this time. i am unable to login. fortunately, i thought ahead (as per recommendations from my blog-dad) and saved the headline post in a notepad file. i hope to post it there, just for the thrill of posting my stuff on a blog that is in the top 100, but if all else fails, my loyal readers, i will have to resort to posting it here.

or, maybe i'll post it on both blogs....just to make sure someone reads it!

heh!

Headlines 5-20-05

MPs vote to lift Boston's Indian ban

Cleveland fans glad that Military Police decided to intervene

Sony vs. Microsoft vs. Nintendo: Who Will Win the Next Videogame Battle?

The Kid With the Fastest Thumbs, Of Course

First Look: Netscape's Two-Headed Browser

Microsoft to Counter With Browser Having Seven Heads, and Ten Horns, and Upon Each Head a Golden Crown....

Google launches Desktop Search for business users

'Booble' launches similar service for porn users

Hilton profits dip, sees betting growth

Hilton plans to release new video, hopes to see growth in other areas

JACKSON WITNESS DUMPED

AFTER HE TURNED 14

All about fun on 'Idol'

Until Moses returned

Trump hires first female 'Apprentice'

Was hoping for an 'intern', but will make do with what he has

Bo knows a cappella

Mafia ties got him in the finals
or
Former athlete finds new career

Fox in search of stability

Mexican President looking for 'serious relationship'

Troops capture Uzbek rebel chief

Vader can't wait to try the Interrogation Droid on him

Secret US, N Korea talks fail

Unnamed source says "Seems that we just weren't speaking the same language"

FBI: Georgia Grenade Was Threat to Bush

MLB:Columbus Catfish could be threat to Giants

Social Security roadshow losing its luster

Decreases value, according to Antiques Roadshow

Court hints at lighter Khodorkovsky sentence

Court feels that having 'Dork' in the middle of your last name is enough punishment

what? you want more? well, ok. some people can never have enough punishment.

Scientists Unveil Earthquake Forecast

Hope It's As Accurate As *cough, snicker* Weather Forecast

Google revs its engines to show where it may be headed

Google to enter NASCAR in order to attract more White Trash Wednesday fans

TDK does 100 GB capacity Blu-ray discs

Then rolls over and goes to sleep....Blu-ray discs disappointed, wanted to cuddle with TDK afterward


well, hope you liked it.

let me know!

that is all.

Headlines 5-19-05

Chronology of the Staines triple murder case

I thought the Staines case had something to do with a dress and Bill Clinton...my bad

Adrian bears down on Central America

Rocky Balboa heads south to find his wife

Grenade tossed at Bush no dud

Unlike the President, if you believe First Lady

Iran adamant on nuke programme

Programmes! Get your Programmes! Can't tell which nuke is which without one!

Space weapons seen as possibility

DOD is reviewing Frank J.'s blueprints for S.M.I.T.E.

Queen says it's good to be back in Canada

Elton John re-visits Toronto, eh?

Google heralds the Desktop Search for Enterprise

Trekkies are thrilled

Selig sells Congress on steroids

Expect bigger, more aggresive Congressmen next season

It's Out With the Old as CBS Cancels 4 Shows

Rather Has Company in the Unemployment Line

U.S. panel backs off ban on women in combat roles

Will experiment with women in combat roles while they are experiencing PMS...First all-female platoon begins combat training next month

Survey: Diabetes patients not watching levels

Survey also says carpenters are

Medical robots start work at London hospital

"Patch-Cord Adams" model is officially released in England

what? you think this is easy or something? i slave all day over a hot CPU just to bring you the funny and all i get is a snicker? oy. i'm going over to Moe's house. at least he understands.

'Vine that ate South' cuts drinkers' thirst

By wrapping tendrils tightly around drinkers' throats

On Senate floor, the battle is on

Dark Side wins...heh!


on that note, this installment of headline news comes to an end.

as always, feel free to discuss my lack of humor in the comments. or tell me if you actually laughed!

thanks.

that is all.

Headlines 5-17-05

Iraq regime forbids raids on mosques

Might hurt terrorists hiding in mosques

2005 Hurricane Outlook

Has sarahk Worried

Everybody Loves 'Raymond' One Last Time

'Raymond' Thanks Viagra For Allowing Him To 'Perform' for Everybody

Federer eyes Wimbledon

Wimbledon says "Get lost, creep!"

What's coming and going on NBC

Network enters hardcore porn arena

Kuwait grants women right to vote

Exactly how their husbands tell them to vote

yes, bad. but most likely true.

Bush Urges Development of Alternate Fuels

Then Invests In Alternate Fuel Companies

Hurricane Forecasters Relying on Public

"Oh, Crap! That Looks Like a Hurricane! Call the Forecasters!"

Professor Details Fight Against Narcolepsy

Fell Asleep 3 Times During Speech

Employee Fired For Drinking Wrong Beer?

When You Drink The Boss's Beer, Yes

Four-nation project begins to map sheep genome

Goal is to produce more attractive sheep

Mountain Dew, Microsoft to give away Xboxes

Now even more kids will be up all night playing video games


well, that's the headlines for tonight. hope you enjoy them as much as i enjoy bringing them to you.

thanks!

Tough Time To Be A Giants Fan

Giants lost again tonight. 9-4 against (gag! choke!)Colorado.

Noah Lowry gave up 7 earned runs, Michael Tucker was called out when a batted ball came about 6 inches from actually hitting him while on the basepaths, and just generally lackluster play from most of the SF team all added to the misery.

the most embarrassing moment came, in the bottom of the 8th, when a routine fly ball was hit to Pedro Feliz in left field. in and right back out of his glove. uh, Pedro, you gotta squeeze it.....fortunately, the runner on second was held at third, so no insult was added to the injury.

as if any was needed.

well tomorrow is a whole new game. let's hope it turns out a little better.

end baseball whining post.

Headlines 5-16-05

sorry for the lack of headlines last night. i was worn out from work and a few night's worth of insomnia, and had a tough time finding anything to be funny.

i hope that this offering makes up for it.


US Caps Chinese Textile Imports

Chinese Textiles Respond With a Drive-By

2 Giants Agree to Cross-License Some Patents

Bonds, Santiago Working On Creating New Steroids

Apple gives identity thieves a way in

Trying to keep up with Microsoft

IBM Embraces Firefox For Web Browsing

Firefox Says "Hey, Lady, Just Doing My Job"

Robots master the art of reproduction

Geeks thrilled at the thought of android wives

PSU grad chooses integrity over cash

Must not be a Democrat

Motions on witnesses loom in Jackson case

Moves on victims caused case

Dave Chappelle Says He's Not Crazy

Little Green Men He Tells This To Agree

Walking to help halt AIDS

Walking away from gay bars

Trampoline Injuries Soar

And Fall. And Soar. And Fall. And...

Brain-injury case doctor hearing pleas for help

"Don't kill me" is one of most popular pleas

Weiner not part of Dems' no-bash movement

"Weiner-bashing" latest craze in San Francisco nightclubs

Microsoft, Sun announce joint authentication system

Will let you know if your dealer ripped you off with oregano-filled doobies

(beep! boop! beep! that's good stuff, dude!)

that's the news for today! feel free to leave a comment telling me that i'm the funniest guy in the world.

or, just be honest. i like that better anyway.

thanks!

I'm Tired...

so no headlines tonight. sorry, folks, sometimes even i can't produce the funny.

check out basil's site for the funny headline action.

see you tomorrow!

Cong - Rats!

tonight, or actually this morning, as i was perusing my personal blogroll, i saw two new recent evolvees.
Dane, and Moe have become Adorable Rodents.

i adore them because they laugh at my funny. and, they are very capable of creating funny themselves.

moehawk says: check 'em out!

Headlines 5-13-05

Microsoft: You're Safe With Us

Until Hackers And Phishers Return From Vacations

Fonda makes a welcome comedic comeback

New act includes being hit in face with tobacco-spit filled pies

Pitt and Jolie together in wax

Newest kinky trend among the rich and worthless

Woody Allen Steals the Show

Democrats Say "You Just Can't Trust Them Joooos"

Paris Hilton Touts Spicy Burger in TV Ad

This Burger, However, Is Not Of The "Fur" Variety

John Paul Put on Fast Track for Sainthood

Won't Have to Pay Bridge Tolls Till End of Month

yes, bad. haven't been struck by lightning yet...so not that bad

Lawyer: Jackson Said Nothing Happened

Hmmm. I Don't Know Who To Disbelieve First...A Pedophile Or A Lawyer....

Woods Misses First Cut in Seven Years

Hippies Upset, Have No Reason To Chain Themselves to Trees

Winemaker Takes Aim at Spirits Market

Builds Himself a Still

Lawmakers fired for smashing up hotel

Thought that they were Led Zeppelin

lawmakers object to fake penis for drug tests

the story was funnier than any joke that i could make....

Hide-And-Seek Game Sparks Massive Search

Kid Won Game

so, on a happy note, i end tonight's headlines.

please don't injure each other while lining up to leave me nice comments.

thanks!

A Little Bit Of Silliness

is a good thing. i got this link from my boss. even though he is not a blogger, and he is a Democrat, he still is a great guy with a good sense of humor.

it's a short movie from the Organic Trade Association, or something like that. here in N.CA, even Republicans will eat organic when they can... just tastes better.

anyway, here is the silliness that i promised.

let me know what you think!

WARNING: it does take a bit of time to load, especially if you're on a slow connection. but well worth the wait.

OMG.....I'm Almost There!

well, my blogbirth still hasn't been formally announced by my blog-mommy yet, but she DID put me on her blog-family blogroll!

WOO-HOO!

glad she did it before i became a Large Mammal..might have been a little awkward...

but, i am a blogson (and a food freak, if you mouse-over my name on her blogroll) nonetheless.

now i shall start entering the Carnival of the Recipes.

next time she hosts them.

i feel almost like a whole blogger now.

Headlines 5-12-05

Tom DeLay Says Democrats Have 'No Class"

Fat Albert Sues Over Use Of His 'Intellectual Property'

Wal-Mart misses mark, Target earnings jump

Wal-Mart was aiming at Target earning's knees

Firefox Update Fixes Critical Security Holes

IE jealous

Microsoft, Phillips team on digital entertainment

Customers guaranteed to be "screwed"

University Makes Bid to Run Los Alamos Lab

University of Tehran's Bid Rejected

Blow to spammers

Should definitely be followed by more of the same

Tino's Taters Turn Around Career, Yankees

Martinez's New Garlic Fries Booth A Success, Draws Lots More People To Stadium

Engineers Try to Free Mars Rover From Dune

Muad'Dib Unwilling To Give New Toy Back

CT Scans Show What King Tut Looked Like

Ironically, Just Like Steve Martin

hah! you have the song stuck in your head now, don't you?

Archaeologists Find 2,000 Year-Old Shoe

Also Find 2,000 Year-Old Dog Crap Stuck To Bottom Of Shoe

Gun Safety Class in S.C. Ends With a Bang

Hmmm. I Should Take More Gun Safety Classes...


well, on that note, i will end this headline post.

see you all tomorrow!

Giants Win!

now they're back to .500 with a 6-3 win over the Astros. still in 4th place in the division, however. as bad as the Rockies are playing, i don't think that we have much chance of being cellar-dwellers any time soon.

but, i have been a Giants fan for many years, and i know all too well that anything can happen.

*keeps fingers and toes crossed*

end baseball post

In Case You Haven't Heard Yet....

my very own blogdaddy has just grown a thumb! two, actually. opposable, even!

so, if any of the people that read my blog don't have basil blogrolled yet, please do so to make sure that he (and all the sisters) stay in the Playful Primates category where they truly belong.

thanks.

Headlines 5-11-05

Errant Flight Prompts Capital Evacuations

Everyone In Capital Crapped Their Pants

Gates outlines his vision for Windows Mobile

Wants to make it even cooler than the Weiner Mobile

Japanese hostage may have died from wounds

Wounds certainly didn't help his chances of survival

Scientists develop robot capable of replicating itself

Cyberdyne is born...robot says "I'll be back"

Battle of the titans, Round 2

First round was just a "Clash"

Europe falls for third straight day

Is wondering when it will finally hit ground

The Rolling Stones announce new tour

Of prospective nursing homes

Salma Hayek enjoying Cannes jury duty

Hmmph. at least someone likes it.

Arena obesity drug yields good data

Scrawny Arena Football players happy to bulk up without steroids

34 Bases on Worst Toxic Waste Sites List

Hmmm....No Mention of Area 51...

Perez to Replace Carp as Kodak CEO

phin is upset, vows revenge

Iran to announce resuming nuclear fuel work

Iran is just itching for a "Shock and Awe" demonstration up close and personal

Twin brothers die in fall on Mt. McKinley

Ironically, both landed at same time...family is in Denali....

bad headline policy is still in effect.

U.S. army probes why troops go wild in Columbia

Ummmm...Cocaine and Loose Columbian Women? just a guess.

City hopes to cut crime with scooter ban

Hell's Angels can still kill people, trash bars as long as they ride real motorcycles

Women-only train cars irritate some men

As does Lifetime Network programming

Cat Survives Fire, House Explosion

Only To Be Run Over By Fire Truck


well, that's the headline funny for tonight. eat your heart out, Moe. Just don't forget to salt it first...heh!

Jewish jokes are allowed on this site as long as they are clean and funny.

Don't make me put up a "No Israel Bashing Zone" button up on my blog....

that is all.

I'm a Marsupial Now!

so that's why i felt so bad when i ran over that possum on the way home from work! it all makes sense now....

just kidding. i swerved and missed it completely.

thanks to all who have enjoyed my stuff enough to blogroll me, and also to those who didn't like my stuff for not insulting me and making me roll up into a quivering, pathetic ball underneath my computer desk.

you guys (and gals!) ROCK!

thanks again!

Jury Duty

so, i drag myself out of bed at 8:00 am, after having slept only about 3 hours. insomnia, you know. shave, shower, etc, drive to the courthouse just before 9:00 am, groggy, grumpy, and ready to convict whatever poor bastard they put in front of me just so i can go back home.

go through the juror check-in, and am told to come back at 10:00 am, while the judge and attorneys finish some preliminary work. ok, i have time to get a cup of coffee, try to wake up a little. drink coffee, return to courthouse a little before 10.

and wait. and wait. and wait. 60 or so prospective jurors crowded into the lobby of our little courthouse, all getting more and more restless by the minute.

finally, after about 45 minutes of waiting, the doors open, and the bailiff tells all jurors to enter the courtroom and have a seat. we do so.

the judge waits till all are seated, and thanks us for showing up. he informs us that, ironically, this is National Juror Appreciation Week. we all laugh.

he then informs us that he is not our town's regular judge, that he drove over from the county seat to hear this case. unfortunately, he did not give the full 10 days notice required by law that it would be he, and not the regular judge, that would be hearing the case. he was disqualified from the trial, and we were all sent home.

all that for nothing, unless you count the fact that we all got credit for having served our jury time.

oh boy. i'm thrilled.

that's all for now.

Sorry, No Headlines Tonight

i won't be doing headlines tonight. i have jury duty tomorrow morning.

i work nights. i'm also an insomniac, so i'm usually up into the wee hours of the morning scouring the news sources for funny headlines.

tomorrow i have to be up, and in the courthouse at 9:00 am sharp. that means i'll have to do a shot of Nyquil to try to get some sleep so i can wake up when my alarm goes off. not sleep through it, like i sometimes do when i am forced to get up early...

plus, i also have to be mentally alert in case i am chosen to sit on the jury, wouldn't want to convict an innocent person, or let a guilty person go free just 'cause i was too groggy to pay attention.

so, go visit basil for your headline funny. me, i'm going to bed.

goodnight, all.

Thanks Again, Everyone!

just a little more shameless blegging. not for my car, not for money to buy petrol, just for links.

i only need 2 more to become a Marsupial.

/shamelessness.

New Best Buddy

Tom has a new friend. Check it out.

Headlines!

Gay men, heterosexual women react the same to male sex chemical

Also react the same to Lifetime Network programming

WSJ boards the tabloid train

Will feature stories about alien-human hybrids, giant man-eating chickens, as well as financial news

High Expectations For Final Star Wars Movie

Expected To Not Suck As Bad As Episode I

Departing From Norm, President Gets Wiggly

Cliff Also Makes Up Lame Excuse To Escape President

EW Role Call: Jane Fonda

Should Have Read: EWWW! Role Call

Broadway's Plymouth and Royale Renamed

To "Dodge" and "Royale With Cheese"

Alzheimer's Vaccine Research Back On Track

After Wandering Away For A While

Bush visits Georgia, endorses Democratic ideal

Georgia residents still endorse Republican ideal despite President's sudden flip-flop

Cocaine Users Face Greater Risk of Aneurysm

Also Face Greater Risk Of Looking and Talking Like Ozzy

Jackson may not testify at trial

Would prefer to try testicles

yep, bad headline policy still stands.

Pushing PBS to the right

MSM wants its place on the far left back

A GOP Plan to 'Fix' the Democrats

Is Too Late....They Have Spawned Already...

Garner, Affleck expecting

Bad Reviews

Firefox Has Two Critical Security Flaws

IE Thinks About Saying "Neener Neener", But Decides To Not Draw Attention Back To Itself


that's the news for tonight. i hope you got a chuckle or two out of it.

as always, the comments are your forum for discussing my humor, or lack thereof.

don't be shy!

Giants News

two in a row! Giants win 2-1 against Pittsburgh, Tomko threw a complete game retiring the last 21 batters he faced, and all was over and in the history books in 2 hours and a few minutes. shortest game in the history of SBC/Pac Bell Park.

i said last night that i wanted to report more Giants victories. tonight, i got my wish.

GO GIANTS!

Cool New Game

courtesy of William Teach.

a help out a young blogger with a little extra traffic kind of game.

just pick a good new blogger, who has been blogging for less than 3 months, write a quick little post about him or her, and then track the post back to Teach. then you must go visit his site to find out what to do next.....

i'll pick Dane from Dane Bramage. Funny guy, but with a serious side too.

also, i have been blogging for less than 3 months, but if you're reading this post then you've already given me some traffic....

now to figure out how to use this trackback thingie.

that is all

UPDATE

i finally figured out how to do a trackback! yay me!

Today's Headlines!

Wrong Chart Used in Submarine Crash

Also Left Doors Open

A very commercial Crusade

Polite way to explain Looting and Pillaging

British Gas Customers Warned of Third Price Hike

Sortapundit doubles his blogads and shameless blegging

Second Discovery tanking test

Blames Partying All Night and Not Studying for Test

NASA closes in on Mars wreck

Follows trail of empty beer cans

Gas Prices Falling Nationwide

Everywhere But Here

Paleontological Art Available on Internet

As Well As Many Other Forms of...um...Art

Jackson defense hammers at past accusations

M.C. Hammer unavailable for comment

Jennifer Garner's Baby on Board

Child Protective Services Notified

Wrong Woman Buried After Morgue Mixup

Woman Thankful For Being Dug Up In Time

Pizza delivery ends Australian prison siege

Prisoners start new siege to get beer delivered

Study: Mean Girls Start As Tots

The Big Sister (who's 5'4") Agrees With Study

When the scent of a woman - or a man - isn't so sweet

Odds are you are in France

MLB Won't Investigate Bonds

Will Focus On Stocks and Mutual Funds

New Low-Alcohol Wine Targets Women

New High-Alcohol Beer Targets Men


well, folks, that's the news for tonight. as always, feel free to give up the love in the comments.

thanks!

Giants Win In Extra Innings!

4-3 in the home half of the 13th, off a double by Vizquel. for a 38 year old player that more than one fellow fan thought was too old even for the Giants to pick up, he's been a high point in the season so far.

after losing four straight, two to Arizona, two to the Nationals, i am very glad to see them leave, and also very happy to see Pittsburg and the Rockies come into town. might just gain a few of those games back...not to mention the series after that will be against the Astros, who aren't exactly having a "stellar" season so far (pun intended!).

so what is it with the baseball announcers? how hard can it be to stop calling the Nationals the "Expos" several times a game? can't they see the big "Nationals" logos on all the players jerseys? or, are they all throwing back shots and beers in the broadcast booth when the cameras are off of them? who knows. i just wish they'd pay more attention and get it right.

so, going into tomorrow's (actually tonight's) game, the Giants are back at .500. nothing like a losing streak right on the heels of a winning streak to dampen the enthusiasm, but, as a true fan of my team, i'll piss and moan about how bad they might be doing at the time, but i'm not going to stop wearing the Orange and Black any time soon.

hope to report many more wins to y'all over the rest of the season.

Yet More Headline News

Speed-record try halted

Ozzy fell asleep

Answers Sought in British Consulate Blast

Police Ask: Who Bought The Beer For You?

Dino Doesn't Want Steak

Fred is Worried, Takes Pet Dinosaur to Vet

Paula Abdul breaks her silence

dang. she didn't shut up long enough.

Nadal wins a Spanish humdinger

Nadal still not sure if that is legal in Spain

FDA to ban gay sperm donors

Gays will continue to donate sperm to each other

Death Row Inmate Dies in Apparent Suicide

Wanted To Save Taxpayers Some Money

Plant could spark boom

Terrorists looking for ways to use newly-discovered herb


well, i'm calling it a night. be sure to check out Moe, Dane, and of course, basil for more headline funny.

goodnight, y'all!

Yes, It's Headline Time Again!

Jobs growth surprisingly robust in April

Steve puts on 40 pounds

Aussies warned of copycat kidnappings

Aussie copycats advised to avoid travelling abroad

U.S. to Open Remote Forests To Logging

Hippies Thrilled to Have New Trees To Hug

More Sunlight is Hitting the Earth

Bush blamed

Manufactured News

At Least They Admit It

Episode III: Attack Of The Media Droids

Yoda says: "Defeat the Media Droids, We Must."

Elvis Lives!

What? You Thought I Was Dead?

Bush calls Belarus last dictatorship

Democrats call America last dictatorship

Microsoft now backs gay bills

Gay bobs, rods still unsupported

Big Pharma's New Funk

Has Decent Bass, Drums, But Is Otherwise Like Earlier Releases

Documents show Vioxx sales tactics

Documents spell it V10xx

Wang Liqin wins World Table Tennis Championship

Heh. They said "Wang"

Japan warns it will break 20-year moratorium on whaling

Japan hopes it will no longer have to eat whales for "research"

Viagra for the mob? This can't turn out well...

Someone will be "whacked" for sure...

*looks over shoulder....*

Marching to a VERY different drum

Oakland, CA mayor Jerry Brown

'Whore College' Offers Hands-On Training

Also Offers Training For Using Other Body Parts

Screeners Find Live Snake in Suitcase

Say It Smelled like Cap'n Crunch Cereal

Bobo the Chihuahua in Hot Water Again

Broke Vow to Never Go to Korea Again


on that note, i will leave you to laugh uncontrollably, chuckle delightedly, snicker for a bit, click over to Moe, or Dane's sites, or do whatever you do after reading my headlines.

good night, y'all!

#2552.....WOO-HOO!

yes, that's right...#2552 in the ecosystem as of right now....thanks to all who have checked out my site and liked it enough to link to me.

don't stop now! i'm getting closer to my next evolution!

just a few more links...not like i'm blegging or anything...ok, i am.

thanks!

Thanks Again, Everyone!

just checked my site meter, and yesterday i had about 60 visits, and tonight i had almost that many. just missed it by 2 or 3....

i hope everyone that has dropped by my little spot has been entertained, or at least distracted from the major bummers in life that we all must face. if only for a moment..

keep the love coming! i want to be a marsupial soon!

that is all!

UPDATE

Moe, and Dane would like to be slithery reptiles, or better.

check 'em out. definitely deserving of evolution.

Headlines Are Back!

Charged with passing top-secret info

Swallowed info in attempt to destroy it

ABC Probes Fox's "Idol"

Fox's "Idol" Sore After Probe

Band Banned From Performing 'Louie Louie'

Will Instead Play 'Sympathy For The Devil'

Natural enzyme helps mice live longer in study

However, mice living in kitchen or bedroom show no benefits from enzyme

Absent husband returns home...as a eunuch

Saved wife the trouble of making him one herself

Sharon joins March of the Living

Ozzy stays home

Scientist, teachers fight for evolution

Want to be the first "crawly amphibian" on their block

Earth Has Become Brighter, but No One Is Sure Why

Ummm, Because The Liberals Are Not Currently In Power?

Out of this world Star Wars bloodbath

Will occur when half of fans arrive on opening night to find that their tickets are fake

Button suspended for next two F1 races

Button still works for F2, F5, and F11 races

Hilton perfect for "Wax" job

Heh! that's as far as i'll go with that one.

Sober.P Worm running wild

Worm drinks it's first beer

Vegan leaning Dinosaur Found in Utah

Was Making It's Way To California When It Died

GM, Ford shift to 'junk'

Combine assets to buy Chevrolet

Taiwanese opposition leader emphasizes Chinese roots

Chinese politicians dye their Taiwanese roots


ok, that's the headlines for tonight.

as always, feel free to give up the love in the comments!

that is all.

I Liked This One Better Anyway...

the different shades of green better matched the color scheme of my template.

or any other B.S. reason that you might think is funnier.

go ahead, don't be shy...comments are one of the biggest perks of being a blogger!

Another New Logo

this one is called "Alien Glow".

pretty cool, eh?

Everybody That Likes MY Site...

check out Moe ,and another blogger with a good sense of humor is Dane of Dane Bramage.

both intelligent, articulate bloggers, but one of them *coughdane* has slacked off of his headline duties recently...

heh.

ain't this blogging thing fun?

News You Can't Use...'Cause I Already Did!

PETA keeps poking Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez keeps saying "Ow! stop it! Ow! stop it! Ow! stop it!"

Clinton Joins Fight Against Childhood Obesity

Steals Fat Kids' Lunch Money

All the King's Men Try to Fix Nepal's Humpty Dumpty

King's Horses Conspicuously Absent

Astronauts Unfazed by Launch Delay

Are Very Upset over Lunch Delay

78 Names Added to Journalist's Memorial

Most were Made Up by Other Journalists

Rehabilitated Dolphins Released in Fla.

Florida Residents Put Up Flyers With Dolphins' Pictures in Their Neighborhoods

John Paul trading card sells for $8,100

Previous Pope's rookie card is very seldom found in mint condition

Jackson in financial crisis: witness

From building huge playground to attract children

Texas considers ban on sexy cheerleaders

Wants cheerleaders that look like Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno

US spy ordered to bring home bin Laden's head on dry ice

Unfortunately, has not fulfilled mission yet

Three Snails Thought Extinct Discovered

On Menu Of French Restaurant

Wild Pigs Killed to Save Santa Cruz Fox

California Beach Cutie Thankful

Mercury-Laden Clouds Threaten Utah

Lincoln-Filled Clouds Spotted Over Nevada

Bob Hunter, Co-Founder of Greenpeace, Dies

Bush Blamed

MIT Professor Among Heinz Award Winners

Wins Lifetime Supply Of Ketchup

NFL Takes Turn Before Congress on Steroid Use

NFL Wanted To Make Sure Congress Didn't Take All the Good Steroids For Themselves

UN Meet to Seek Safer Ways to Kill Insect Pests

UN Investigates New Invention Called "Flyswatter"

Mich. Cops Seize Secondhand Pants from Man

Claim That Michigan Cops Really, Really Need a Raise

Trial for 'Grandpa Gang' Opens in Germany

Accused of Wearing Their Pants Too High, and Playing Classical Music Too Quietly

Pope's old car smashing records on eBay

Sellers of vintage vinyl recordings upset

Portuguese gym-goers urged to drink beer

Excuse me for a minute while i purchase a one-way plane ticket to Lisbon

oh yeah! lift them 12 ounce weights! feel the burn!!!

Zonkey or deebra? Zebra's foal sired by donkey is talk of Barbados

French are waiting for decision before printing menus

British motorist injured by flying frozen sausage

Motorist says "they're called bangers for a reason"

Sober.P worm spreads

Much faster than Drunken.P worm, who is passed out in a gutter on the side of the Information Superhighway


well, i done wore out my funny for the night working on this post.

feel free to give it up for my twisted sense of humor in the comments.

see y'all tomorrow!

Messing Around With My Blog

i found a neat site called CoolText courtesy of Tom. it lets you create buttons and logos easy, fast, and best of all, free of charge.

let me know what you think of this new logo!

and if you have any suggestions, feel free to tell me.

thanks!

Events From Around The World

Task force formed in Los Angeles to crack down on freeway violence

Will beat all violent drivers within an inch of their lives

Chris Gayle hits triple ton

6000 lb. man to become next Weight-Watchers spokesman

Martha Changes Her Recipe

"Use Just A Pinch Less Of Insider Trading, Add A Dash Of No More Voting"

New champ Toney challenges heavies

Heavies more than willing to change his Tone

Veggie Low-Fat Diet Helps Lower Cholesterol Levels

Also Helps Lower Enjoying Life Levels

pass the deep-fried pickles, please!

Applying Some American Tactics to the British Election

Use Truth, Morality, Intelligence, and Don't Believe the Moonbats

The mind can extend life, study suggests

Unless the mind is deprived of food and water

Power Rangers Meet Pac-Man in 1.7 Billion Deal

Coming Soon On WWE Pay-Per-View

Oil prices slump to 2-month low

So why am i still paying $2.69 per gallon of F%&@*#g gasoline?

Virus preys on World Cup ticket rush

Bush blamed

Heart Patient Dies Day after Cross Country Bike Trek

Ummm, Maybe Should Have spent More Time Rehabbing?


well, that's the funny for this night.

see you tomorrow.

thanks for visiting, and even more thanks for telling me how much you love my funny in the comments.

that is all.

Six In A Row!

and this time, i'm not talking about Giants' losses.

great game. tied 1-1 in the top of the third, three walks and a duck fart from Ortiz, and then a salami by Matheny, and i thought we might have this one the easy way. 6-1.

not so. bottom 7th, D-backs tied it through a series of unfortunate events. 7-7

Giants then went ahead, 8-7, D-backs tied again. 8-8.

Giants got another run, top of the 10th, D-backs did their best to win.

they didn't.

WOO-HOO!

moehawk, ace baseball reporter, signing out.

More Today's Headlines

U.S. Denounces North Korea After Reports Of Missile Test

Korean Missiles Scored D-, Spent Most Of Test Doodling In Margins

Laura Bush: Take my husband...

Democrats whine: Please!!!!

Sharon welcomes Turkish mediation

Ozzy welcomes Turkish medication

Scientists: Earth's Energy Is Imbalanced

Hippies: Wave A Bunch Of Crystals Around And Chant Wooo-Weee-Oooo To Rebalance Earth's Energy

Red speck is indeed a new planet say astronomers

One astronomer adds "Heh!"

Dinosaur exhibit goes high-tech

Exhibit shows dinosaurs used laptops, Palm-Pilots

Mars Express set to deploy radar

Planetary Express files lawsuit to protect territory

Russian oligarchs consider MG Rover purchase

Would like a Ferrari, but if the price is right...

Debbie Rowe: Michael Jackson Is a Victim of Opportunistic Vultures

Michael Jackson's 'Little Friends' Claim They Were Victims of Opportunistic Vulture

Apple sets Tiger free on public

Jobs cackles evilly as Woods mauls hundreds

Pope Blesses Throngs in John Paul's Stead

Sorry, My Bad. I Thought It Said "Thongs"...

Shuttle Skipper OK with Flight Delay

Says "Better To Come Home Late Than Never"

Skylark Space Program Comes To An End

Plans To Launch A Buick Into Orbit Dashed

Ernie races away with BMW Asian Open

Bert comes in second, is pissed

Green Leads to Blues success

Then Kerry woke up

Laura Bush: First Lady of comedy?

No, I Think That Honor Will Soon Belong To sarahk.

Human-induced greenhouse emissions blamed for global warming

Scientists advise avoiding beans, hot peppers, and hard-boiled eggs if you want to save the planet


ok, i'm done for now.

got to save some funny for tomorrow!

let me know if you laughed.

thanks.

More News

N. Korea calls Bush 'dictator'

If anyone would know what a dictator is, it would be N. Korea

Graham backs Bush on tiered benefits

Democrats call Graham a "cracker"

Legionnaires' killed wife, hosp kept mum

French Foreign Legion, hospital deny charges of wife-killing and mother-kidnapping

Taiwan Opposition Leader Visits Grave

Of His Predecessor

China rolls out red carpet as it hosts a Taiwan politician

Carpet was white before last Taiwan politician visited

Planet Outside Solar System Is Observed

Democrats Waiting For Spaceship To Come From Planet To Take Them Home

Treasury Duck Hatches Ducklings

Right Wing Duck's rich relatives send out birth announcements

Zoo Reverses Vasectomy on Bush Dog

Barney Decides He Wants Puppies, After All

Zoo May Use Animal Waste As Energy Source

Test-Markets Slogan: "Put A Tiger Turd In Your Tank"

Locusts plague highway

Even The Almighty suffers from occasional road-rage

yes, i know. that was bad. get over it. *cringes while expecting lightning strike*

Want a "popemobile"? Yours for $1 million

Pope says "Dude, Where's my car?"


i should stop now. the sky is filling up with dark, ominous-looking clouds....

let me know which ones (if any) made you laugh!

thank you. that is all.

UPDATE

ZAP!

ow!...sorry!

Four In A Row!

yes, i am happy. thrilled, even.

this is the longest winning streak that the 'Ants have had all season. and, it wasn't against the Rockies.

starting pitcher Noah Lowry only lasted 4 1/3 innings, got knocked around a bit in the fifth, but the bullpen saved the day. dang near the whole bullpen was used, but in the end, it's only the "w" that counts.

and the Giants got that "w", 7-6 against the Pirates.

Deivi Cruz hit his first homer of the season, too!

if you want the whole story, written by an actual paid reporter, you can click here to go to the Official Site of the San Francisco Giants.

or, you can just take my word for it...we won!!!!

moehawk, ace baseball reporter, signing out.